i really loved her. why did i say something like that? why did i agree on something i knew wouldn’t work out? why? why do i always feel the urge to rush through everything in my fucking life? why did i overthink this one. i was certain. this was it. i just couldn’t help but ruin it all. why? because someone asked me to try something. and of course like the gullible loser i am. i say yes. even worse, i talk about it. i really fucked up this one. i will never have anyone like her ever again in my life. this was it. and i fumbled it. just like everything in my life. nothing but a failure. nothing but a waste of time and a broken heart. i will never be loved. i will never be truly happy. i will forever be alone. i was born and destined to be this way for my whole life. and no matter how hard i try, either it doesn’t work out. or i manage to fumble it. im a fucking loser. i don’t deserve to be loved. after what i have done. i will never get anyone like her ever again. she was supposed to be the one. im done now. im shutting myself for as long as i can. and as hard as i can.