alright, so we're ditching the mini pc idea. looks like i have finally moved my setup to my bedroom. and its honestly been one of the most exciting changes that ive finally been allowed to do. it feels refreshing, and i actually feel motivated to use my computer instead of leaving it unpowered in a room for an entire year. i wish i would've been able to do this many years ago. the amount of enjoyment i finally feel when using this computer, the amount of privacy i feel like i finally have. i feel like i am finally in a comfort zone. im writing on it currently and it really does feel amazing. i do feel like i have missed out on so many opportunities from not having the private space during all those years. but opportunities come and go, i will find new opportunities eventually. ive also been trying to be more active in voice chats. something ive recently been struggling with since the beginning of last year. ive mostly struggled with it because i have a hard time speaking my thoughts properly. words come out before i am able to think about them. some expressions i am never able to properly express because i am naturally a horrible explainer. i hope that with enough time ill be able to develop the right thought processes to properly express myself. though i will likely continue to prefer writing than speaking. with writing i have so much freedom with how i express myself. i can pick and choose the exact words i want, and i dont have to worry about thinking for too long because the receiver does not know if i am still there or not. and i can take my time to think things through before deciding on them. maybe i should take a look back at those communication classes that i took last year, maybe theres something there that could unironically help me out. regarding my current social relationships. they've been mostly the same. i have not met someone new other than reuniting with some people. one specific person i feel i am having a hard time relating with. i feel as though there are times where maybe taking a pause would be the right thing to do with them. taking the long road instead of the usual shortcuts i take with people, which is something im very guilty of. i also feel like i have developed some trust issues overtime after the situation that has happened before. ill try to not let it get to me. i think things are going to be fine. exams coming up these following weeks. i will try my best to practice restraining myself from being constantly on my computer, despite really wanting to use it more often. that time will come during summer. i dont want to make my whole life revolve around the internet. though at the same time i want to atleast have a good portion of my life revolve around it. i truly find enjoyment in it. its been an outlet to escape from my reality for almost a decade and a half now. but i cant fully rely on it, it is just not sustainable. eitherway, i think it is time to sleep now. maybe i will write more often now that i am on a computer. i definitely need to change these blue switches though. they are awful and annoying. PS: listen to AL-90, he makes very emotionally moving music, atleast to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLnPkvAKoiI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhbN90CZc10